Okay, so I din't write my most deepest secrets but I do admit that I like to listen to Erasure once in a while. That's pretty brave of me you know. I mean that could ruin someones reputation. That's pretty deep.....October 2002

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October 6th, 2002

SHE’S ALIVE!!
Well just barely. It’s been what? A month? I think? I have lost track. This back injury sucks. It is taking way longer to heal than I originally estimated. I can now sit at my computer for about 30 minutes at a time, so at least I am beginning to feel productive again. I actually got out for a bit and socialized this weekend. I went to Drexoll games for their opening.
They have a great website you can visit at www.drexollgames.com.
I have been realizing lately that being stuck in bed at home alone for a month can get ones spirits down. Also I had my 31st Birthday on Monday. I figure I might as well just put myself into a nursing home now.
Well I shouldn’t really be depressed. I mean life could get a lot worse. I could be filling my car with gas in Washington.
While I have been prostrate in bed I have developed a nasty habit. NO, not that you filthy pig! My bad habit is watching CBN news. (Christian Broadcast Network) Every morning.
I haven’t owned a tv for about 6 years or so and I love not having one but during this ordeal my parents kindly lent me one of their tv’s to help pass the time.
Anyway CBN news only on the 700 Club. I love watching CBN News. Each day I watch this wonderful and enriching show it strengthens my resolve and renews my faith in my own personal and wonderful decision that I made so many years ago. That decision that changed my life forever. My personal decision to not go to church anymore. I mean, I have nothing against God. I think God, whatever God is, is pretty cool. I also have strong opinions about faith as you may have read in earlier entries. I have some theories about faith and I think it’s very powerful. But religious people of any faith can be fairly annoying sometimes. That is why I watch the show, to get worked up. CBN News? CBN Extremely Biased Opinion more like it.
Okay, this is really depressing. My life has become so pathetic that all I have to talk about is CBN news. I think I am going to play with the toaster in the bathtub for a bit.
I will write a bit more later. If I survive. I do actually have better things to talk about. Another interesting bit of news to come out of MIT lately regarding chance, coincidence, random number generators and proof of a global conciousness. Ooooo spooky sounding! Anyway, back later.

October 21st, 2002

Everytime I see you falling.
I get down on my knees and pray.
It’s really hard to type and dance but I am trying my best here. You just can’t listen to these cool 80’s songs without feeling great! I don’t know what it is about listening to New Order, The Cure, OMD, Erasure but they always put me in a good mood. It’s not like it brings up warm and happy memories from my teenage years because the 80’s sucked for me. Infact, if listening to retro 80’s tunes brought up memories from the past I should be about to go on a 3 day alcoholic bender which leaves me locked in my closet in the dark blubbering like an idiot, but no, I am in my living room babbling like an idiot. Big difference.
And anyone who reads this who is making gagging sounds at the mention of Erasure I have one thing to say.
Stop!
Stand there where you are
Before you go too far
Before you make a fool out of love
Come on you wanna dance don't you?
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about my life and my attitude. I am far too timid about life. Life is so much better when you let go of all the things you worry about and just jump in. I sound like a Nike commercial. Just do it. Well it is a good philosophy, I mean the Nike is a mythological being symbolizing victory. Whenever I "just do it" without getting caught up with worrying about the small stuff, I feel victorious regardless of the outcome. It kind of makes you feel euphoric. Another interesting thing is that when you do something brave, you get a boost of self confidence and power so you can do something bigger next time. I get that when I mountain bike. That's one of the reasons I love it. You do a 3 foot drop and you feel amazing. Next time you can do something bigger. So what does all this motivational rhetoric mean , what am I doing about it? I am going to do several new projects, paintings, furniture, sculpture etc and I am going to show them and sell them for disgustingly huge amounts of money, buy a Fendi purse from Ebay and a new Brodie Devo. Materialistic of me no? Well fuck you! You can go save the Globose Dune Beetle, I'm getting a new bike.
Speaking of Ebay, there is a red trench coat that I want so I am warning you now, if anyone bids on this coat I will dedicate one whole journal entry to describing in detail what a rotten piece of filth you are for the 2.5 readers to see (the .5 is my dog)
Now that should have everyone quaking in their boots.
Anyway, now that I am all pumped up and motivated I best get to work. I am going to be writing regularly now. I also have some new photos of my puppy to put up.
Cute!
Later.
(AAARRGHHH i just checked the trench coat and after 3 days of inactivity, people have been bidding! You know who you are....I WILL find you and I WILL destroy you, not to mention sully your Ebay Buyers Profile, now you wouldn't want that would you?)

October 25th, 2002

Well tomorrow is the big day!
The day I bid for my red trench coat. Can't wait!
I got a parcel sent to me this week. I love getting parcels sent to me in the mail. You get that little card telling you to pick it up at the post office and after the initial baffled, surprised feeling fades and that first wave of panic that it is a time bomb, package of anthrax, or readers digest book washes over you, you actually feel a bit of excited anticipation.
That is of course until you jump in your vehicle, parcel pick up card in hand and you head to the post office. Then your mind begins to wander. Paranoia slips her tentacles around your heart and begins to squeeze.
Who could be sending you this package? What if it isn't a package? What if it is a registered letter? Everyone knows that terrible things come in registered mail. Legal things. They shouldn't be called registered letters. They never contain letters, they only ever contain 'documents'. It's deceiving, they should be 'registered documents'. Or 'Registered Threats'. "Registered Intimidating Legal Jargon That Makes You Feel Hot, Cold and Stupid All At Once". What if it's a package from a serial killer stalker? Like my cat, dead, nailed to a board. Except that I don't have a cat. Or worse, what if it's a sweater from my grandmother! I will have to wear it! Oh wait my grandmother died 4 years ago. Okay so at least I wont have to wear the sweater.
So when you finally get there, heart palpitating, sweaty, shaking slightly and you see that it's just a birthday present from a friend that got delayed in the mail it comes as a really nice surprise. Oh come on don't give me that! You have all had the same paranoid thoughts when you have received a parcel pick up card! Okay maybe not so paranoid but similar thoughts. Or at least a fleeting doubt. Yes you have!
Anyway the point is, I got a present from my friend Cam. Cam is one of those friends that everyone wishes they had but generally don't. The kind that will never do or say something shitty behind your back. The kind that will never think badly of you or hold a grudge. Cam is the kind of friend that you usually only see on a sitcom not in real life. Cam sent me cookies …..with chocolate. That scores huge points with me but the really great thing was underneath. Incase you haven't seen it, I drew a really cruddy cartoon about Dereks cousin Jared and me and the difference in our riding styles. You can see it in the sketches link to the left. Cam had the last frame printed on a t-shirt for me to wear and display my self mockery and shame for the world to see. He also made a fridge magnet of me looking terribly serious as I perform a death defying 2 inch wheelie drop.
Very cool huh?
Tomorrow is a big day. Not only is it Bidding Day but it is also Canadas largest dog show at the Tradex. (That is, it's the largest show of dogs in Canada not it is a show of the largest dog in Canada) Derek and I will be taking Emma. Emma is so amazingly good and smart and well trained if I do say so myself. I am not just saying this because she is my baby and I am overly proud of her. I compare her to other crappy dogs and their crappy owners. I have this fantasy that we will walk in tomorrow into the middle of all the other dogs doing their stupid tricks like "sit" "shake a paw" "dance on my stupid hind legs looking like a moron" and Emma will hop up on a chair next to the judges and famous movie producers and stun them all by discussing IBMs new cascading molecule technology for computers of the future. But then silly me! How could she? She hasn't read anything about nano computers, the most she could talk about would be CMOS technology. Anyhow. In my fantasy, we have swarms of movie people dying to make Emma famous. Okay I doubt this will happen. But I can go and spend my $5 and feel smug for a day that we have the cutest dog in the whole place and come home with a ridiculous doggie sweater designed by Giorgio Armani.
Well That's it for now. Talk again soon. Later.

October 26th, 2002

Well, there are only 20 minutes left on the auction and I have made a tragic beginners mistake in my bidding. I bid my maximum amount right off the bat. I did that because it said it would keep that amount secret and only bid in 50 cent increments on my behalf! The tricksters! I guess the next person bidding jsut kept raising her max bid until it was 50 cents over my max. So now I have no cards to play with. Well there are still 20 minutes so I will make one last ditch effort in 19 minutes by bidding $5,000,000. Haha! That will teach Amanda Stupidhead Mott to bid against me!! Also we went to the stupidhead Dog Show today. We took our wonderful adorable little puppy and they turned us away at the door. Toffy nosed Snobs with their ridiculous 'pure bred' (Inbred) dogs didn't want them mingling with our perfect mixbreed. Well, they felt pretty stupid after when Emma drove the car around to pick us up at the front door. Anyway, enough on that, back later after I get the trench coat. PS I am going to be starting up a charity soon. It's a really great charity, I will work out the details later but if anyone wants to donate money you can contact me via e-mail. I am trying to raise $5,000,000.

October 25th, 2002...added note

Just thought I would add in a second note regarding the dog show tomorrow. I decided, incase there are a lot of movie people there tomorrow, I would get Emmas portfolio together. You really should check it out here in the photos section, its quite impressive.

October 27th, 2002

Good Morning everyone. Time to turn the clocks back!
Well I didn't get my red leather trench coat yesterday. Some idiot named Amanda Stupidhead Mott disregarded my warnings and bid against me. So I am forced, as promised in an earlier entry, to "dedicate one whole journal entry to describing in detail what a rotten piece of filth you are for the 2.5 readers to see(the .5 is my dog)"
So here I am, about to do just that.
I woke up today feeling rather creative. On days were I am feeling particularly down and particularly creative, I am often inspired to express these feelings in the form of Haiku (Haiki, Haikeese?).
Unfortunately for Amanda Mott, today is one of those days.
So here we go then,

HAIKU FOR AMANDA MOTT

You ruined my day
Amanda Stupidhead Mott
Why would you ever bid against me and think you could get away with it you rotten piece of filthy tripe I hope the coat doesn't fit and rips when you sit down and next time I bid on something you better not even THINK of bidding against me because I WILL write more haiku so consider this a warning Amanda Stupidhead Mott!

Okay, so I stretched the rules a tad on that last line. It is my creative right as an Artist to interpret the rules as I see fit. If you say it all really fast without any inflection in your voice it can sound like 5 syllables.
Well that's it for me today. I am off for a bike ride. Later!